I really wish I could be someone that I can be with pride. I wish to be someone who I can look back on and say "I made the right choices, I did the right things". I'm finding that so hard right now. Amongst all the many choices that I have made and am making this very moment, what has truly contributed to me being able to show a glimmer of pride for what I have done? I'm just useless. Useless and hopeless at everything that I do. That's a fact.

Was thinking today about a period of time during which I had felt extremely emotionally compromised. God that was so stupid. I was on my way to uni and just sitting on the train crying.. then I got to uni and sat on the back stairs of the building and cried some more. That's all I can do when something goes wrong. Cry. But that was another story. One of those other 'minor' problems I'll push to the back of my mind for the time being.

So anyway, coupled with a retarded sense of self esteem, here I am drifting along do jack all. I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. And I don't even know where I'm going with this blog. The more I type, the more stupid it sounds.

I guess the more you put yourself out there, the greater the risk of you getting hurt. But the more you pull yourself in, the more you hurt whoever it is out there trying to get to you. Mais comment est-ce que je peux me montrer si je ne peux pas m'accepter? Je ne veux pas pleurer encore. Et puis je pleure.

I don't even know what I want.
To be wanted?