What is the point?

I had thought that this morbid mood of mine would soon past. But events just seem to render me more and more useless and as a result more and more unhappy. Is there a reason to be happy? Oh those lonely feelings haunt me continuously. I've lost the motivation to do anything. Chemistry SAC? What's the point anyway? I'm not good enough.

And thinking again. You're an awful person. What would you like me to do? Sit at home till I rot and mould? Honestly. Just because you're free of all these burdens, doesn't mean that you can sit there and judge and admonish and restrict. How would you like it if someone did that to you? And somehow I have to be nice too. You're just an awful person.

No one cares about me. What happened to those wonderful moments where people are supposed to say "I'll always support you no matter what," or "You can count on me,", or even just "You can tell me anything"? No. Unfortunately there is no one. We are just all so tangled up in our own lives anyway. Do I look sad? Well maybe that's because I am. And I just don't know how to make myself feel better. I shall drown in my own sadness.

Sometimes I really do want to just break away from everything so that I can immerse myself in my studies. But can that really work? Would I be so heart-wrenched with pain that I cannot think, cannot work, cannot process anything? What would it be like for me not to care about anything anymore? Why should I care when no one cares about me anyway?

Yeah. I know I'm being a brat. But I can't help it. If you're not going to put in some effort then stuff you. It's not THAT hard. I mean, I have stuff to do too. I have school work. I've always had school work. I've been tired just like you. I'm stressed. I have committments. So what? It never stopped me from interacting with you. Nor did I continuously complain of fatigue or of stress. So now here I am, stressed as hell. Because I know that I cannot do well. And I can't even ask you for help. Because you're just too busy for me.

So now here's my screwed up little world. It's screwed as hell. And although I love you and I miss you, sometimes I'd just rather not talk to you. Then maybe I'd miss you less. Yeah, ok. I'm taking this for granted. Ha. What are you gonna do? Get rid of me?

Ok. So I don't mean any of that. But venting this retarded crap out of my head makes me feel better. I really don't know why I feel this way. I feel as though I'm just on the edge. Always on the brink of tears. Good fortune smiles down upon me but now I refuse to acknowledge it. I will waste my time doing stupid things. Blah. What's the point of it all?

What is the point?