My life is just one big game of pretend.

Everyday I pretend that the most important thing in my life doesn't really exist.
Everyday I pretend that somehow everything is going to work out in the future.
I pretend there is no conflict.
I pretend that I'm going to succeed in my career.
I pretend that I'm going to live a comfortable life.
I pretend that I'm working hard.
I pretend that my parents will accept everything as I've planned it.
I pretend that people are better than they really are.
I pretend that things will all work out if we just will them to.

I pretend I pretend I pretend.

I pretend I don't cry.

And amidst all this pretense, I can't really tell anymore which is the truth and which is fake.

Who the hell am I anyway?

How am I supposed to be able to be who I want to be?

Am I to continue to pretend that things will work out just fine?
Am I to continue to believe that there are not a billion obstacles that stand in front of me?
Am I to continue to pretend I can transcend any of them?

I hate everything.
And I fail to pretend.
I don't want to pretend anymore.

Screw everything.
I'll pretend I want to be alone.
And I'll pretend I want company.
I'll pretend I want someone to understand.
And I'll pretend that someone does.