I envy. Envy those who are with their friends laughing happily. Belonging. Oh how I wish I could belong. Yet I do not. Wish I could find people with which I can talk about more than superficial things. People who care about me that would understand. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me whenever conflict rears its ugly head. I am a pariah.

Someone once said to me 'Why try to fit in when you are born to stand out?', I remember as I read those words tears had been slowly sliding down my cheeks. But it extends beyond belonging in the sense of being uniform with other people. I mean belonging in the sense that people want me there. People I can confide in and in turn would confide in me. Yet that just doesn't exist. I am isolated.

My brain is simmering with a thousand contradictory thoughts. I cannot live this way. On one side of the scale, I desire, I want, I need. On the other, I am repulsed by my dependance. What a raging, fiery war these thoughts rage in my mind. Yet no one who could understand. I am alone.

I'm sick of needing. I need to be needed.
But who needs me?
I am nobody.