To Myself

I like it how no one will read my blog here. Why not just write in a diary then? Because I get lazy sometimes and just need something to do on the computer. Anyway, no one bothered to comment my xanga anymore so I might as well blog elsewhere. xP

Do I sound down on things? I dunno. Maybe I am. There's nothing in particular to feel sad about and yet here I am feeling pretty low. But that's just life guys. I can't always be happy because I'm HUMAN. I just gotta chill out and have some time to myself sometimes. Also I need more sleep. But these few days I've been a complete insomniac.. staying up way later than I ought to. It's so bad for me =/

Wish people could stop judging me. Leave me alone!
Wish I could stop judging myself.

Why do I keep doing stupid stuff? I know I'd hate it if it was done to me. But here I am doing it anyway. Does it give me thrills to be stupid? Because that's all it is, stupid. What the hell is wrong with you? Omg. Wtf? Lol. I'm serious. I'm going crazy here. I gotta stop doing this! Screw msn. It's a piece of crapped up shit that makes life weird. Haha. Damn!

How do I want people to see me?
How do I want to be?

Savvy?

Let us avoid using blasphemies to commence our blogs, shall we?

Ok. So why am I using blogger to blog after abandoning it for over a year? Well, the answer is so that less people will see my blog. Coz honestly, how many people actually KNOW about my blogspot, much less check it?

Hahaha. Damn. I suck, don't I?

Mannn.. I always seem to say the wrong things at the wrong time. First I accidentally fuelled conflict between mum and dad and made dad furious for the first time in ages O.o I guess everyone reacts differently to different situations, and he's stressed out because the bushfires are getting closer. Mum doesn't understand that concept. Yet we all understand the concept that mum gets totally over-stressed over the largest assortment of things ever. She doesn't understand, at all.

Made a stupid joke about someone's blog about the bushfires. That didn't please Lo very much. Stupid, much?

Now, why is my blog named 'Savvy?' Because I don't savvy. I don't understand. Hahaha. Awkward laughter fills in gaps and makes me feel better. Mum gets pissed when I laugh about things that 'aren't funny at all', for example, the learners driving manual from like the 70s/80s. Lol. I thought it was awesome stuff =/

I don't savvy. I don't understand how someone can claim to feel so strongly for someone, enough for everyone to believe so. Yet turn their back so easily. I don't understand. Why do we like to respond to dilemmas with self-destruction? Why does it feel better to do something that is wrong when we feel that we have been wronged?

I don't savvy. Have I succombed to something in which I should not have? Why is it that I still see others through prejudiced eyes? Why do I still feel that subtle nudge to judge? Everyone does things in their own way. Why am I so scared? I don't understand..

I don't savvy. What is right and what is wrong? What is heaven and what is hell? What is god and what is jesus? Are we condemned to 'hell' for not believing in the 'lord'? Are we condemned for being born into a different culture and focusing our spirituality on other icons?

Don't I just accept things the way they are? I'm just a little lost right now.

Savvy?

8th December.

Haven't touched blogger for so long! Well, what is there to say? Fiona is very, very happy. And she misses school. Not so much time ahead of her, yet so much to do! Yr 11 next year! Scary! VCE officially commencing! Methods, eeek! Wish me luck for this new year! =]

And to all you ppl: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! =]

7th October.

Amazing. It is already our last day of freedom. What matters, just school. I kind of miss school.
So more thinking before my mind becomes a bit too crowded to think again. Been thinking about loads of stuff. How to do this, how to make it through that. Not much help really.

Here's another one of those moments where I wonder - what's the point? Honestly. Maybe Annie's song was a pretty good one, even if it had a bad tune =P Thumbs up to the people who understand xD.

I really don't know anymore. I'm sick of feeling as though I have so much to say, yet when I try to say it - there is nothing. There is always something on the tip of my tongue, a word that is waiting to come out, but I don't know what it is. Compressed and restricted <= that's how I feel.

Oh gawd, I want OUT.

30th September.

Beginning to run out of things to blog about. I guess in the end I'll be complaining about the same thing over and over, and no one wants to read about someone whining. xP

Mmm je ne sais pas comment arreter cela.

26th September.

If I said 'Feelings cannot be controlled', I wouldn't be the first to say so, right?

.. feelings can't be controlled.
.. nor can they be forced.
.. nor can be be crushed into inexistence for no reason.
and they're just too good at winning.

I surrender.

Vouloir c'est pouvoir.

Vouloir c'est pouvoir? Ha. C'est nul. C'est pas possible.

=>And if it were to be, I would not be the one who is able to uphold it.<=

Live. Love. Laugh. Cherish. Enjoy.

Oh what more matters?

Think carefully Fiona. Step carefully.