There's always something..

Have you guys noticed that there is always something? There's always something that is in the way. Something that holds you back, or something that stops you from taking that one extra step. Sometimes it's time, sometimes it's money, sometimes it's someone - but everytime, there WILL always be something.

Guess that's just life huh?

There was a time I thought I knew

About life and what to do

And now It's plain I know nothing at all

I should have known better

But I took it all on blind faith

And now the bad guys have all run away

Lonely won't leave me alone

Tried I tried but you won't let go

It's a pain that won't go away

Lonely won't leave me alone

Paralysis.

It was warm. I opened my eyes. Comforted by the embrace of my blanket. I could see my hands crossed, resting on my stomach. I lifted my arm slowly, fatigued. It felt as though it had been lifted.. yet the image of my hands crossed remained. I tried again. I pulled both of my hands away and lifted them yet all I could see was that one image, my fingers intertwined. I sensed my parents' presence in the room and I opened my mouth to call out. I called over and over again 'Mum.. Dad.. Dad.. Mum?' But to no avail. My voice was muted. No matter how hard I tried, I could muster no sound.

Again I tried to lift myself up. I could feel myself rising yet my body remained lying down. I stopped, scared that somehow I would leave my body behind entirely. I was trapped. Unable to speak, unable to rise. It began to feel increasingly hot to the point of discomfort, and there I was - paralysed.

Another day of my favourite life.

Totally awesome is what I'd call it =] Had uni today. First official LECTURE. It was pretty awesome. I liked it and I realised that my note-taking skills are pretty good ^^ Makes me feel less stupid =D I'm looking forward to things a bit more. Met more normal people - makes me feel good to know I'm not just a stupid one. Haha. =]

Sticker photos from Sunday

He's Just Not That Into You.

"I found a new word," he said, "quixotic."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Ideal, but unrealistic."

From his reticent tones, I knew that he would tell no more. Standing there, only the length of a ruler away, I felt as though there was an entire world between us. I was left to decipher the meaning behind his words as he fell back into a taciturn state, staring apathetically ahead. I could hear every beat of my heart as I struggled to understand. I sneaked a look at him, hoping to gain some form of clue from his enigmatic pose. Quixotic. Could it be that he believed all that was between us was quixotic? That the notion of being together was in reality nothing but idealistic?

When I could take no more, I turned away carefully placing one foot in front of the other and forbidding myself to look back. My neck tingled and I wondered whether he had his soft gaze on me. Perhaps that too, was too quixotic a thought.

Later that night I was at a complete standstill. There was nothing I could do because there was only one thing on my mind. Only one person. This one thought flushed out everything that could have possibly been on my mind (the upcoming math test for example). My fingers inched toward my mobile when suddenly it lit up. It was him.

When I opened my eyes the sun was pouring through my window. Had everything been a dream? I couldn't quite remember what had happened. I rolled over and retrieved my phone from the floor. 10 new messages! I rapidly scrolled through them, checking for the identity of the senders. To my delight, one of the first ones had his lovely name attached to it. Smiling in anticipation, I opened the file:

Hey! Just wanna wish you happy birthday!!!

Happy 16TH (u r 16 ryt)

I still don't know what to give you though...

maybe myself?

Whoever said girls were complicated was totally deluded. This guy is harder to understand than advanced calculus. At least I can safely deduce that there was no hidden meaning behind his introduction to the word 'quixotic' - or was there?

He's Just Not That Into You

Only at the Movies!

Now showing!

http://www.facebook.com/roadshow-films-au

Hello Life of Blogger!

Wow I never realised so many people used blogger! Oh well, welcome to my life of blogger. (Xanga has almost completely lost appeal to me.. *snore*) Anyway, not that I will abandon my beloved xanga that has been with me for so, so long and has all these extremely crytic blogs on it. Not to mention recordings of very.. interesting things. LOL. Anyway. Yes, so hopefully I can successfully bring my blogger to public and actually let people look at it. Which totally contradicts my previous post. But nevermind that. For all you ppl who are far to pedantic - this will count as my first OFFICAL post as FIONA ZOEN YUE CHENG on BLOGGER =D

Alright - so what's up with me? Not much. I just realised that I could make life a lot easier by just inserting my SD card adapter into my comp and voila - 1GB worth of stuff from my phone uploaded as easy as.. as easy as it is to upload from SD cards? LOL. =]

Actually that might be the most bisexual thing I've ever done O.o

Who's hardcore? xP

Well yeah. Blogger =]

To Myself

I like it how no one will read my blog here. Why not just write in a diary then? Because I get lazy sometimes and just need something to do on the computer. Anyway, no one bothered to comment my xanga anymore so I might as well blog elsewhere. xP

Do I sound down on things? I dunno. Maybe I am. There's nothing in particular to feel sad about and yet here I am feeling pretty low. But that's just life guys. I can't always be happy because I'm HUMAN. I just gotta chill out and have some time to myself sometimes. Also I need more sleep. But these few days I've been a complete insomniac.. staying up way later than I ought to. It's so bad for me =/

Wish people could stop judging me. Leave me alone!
Wish I could stop judging myself.

Why do I keep doing stupid stuff? I know I'd hate it if it was done to me. But here I am doing it anyway. Does it give me thrills to be stupid? Because that's all it is, stupid. What the hell is wrong with you? Omg. Wtf? Lol. I'm serious. I'm going crazy here. I gotta stop doing this! Screw msn. It's a piece of crapped up shit that makes life weird. Haha. Damn!

How do I want people to see me?
How do I want to be?

Savvy?

Let us avoid using blasphemies to commence our blogs, shall we?

Ok. So why am I using blogger to blog after abandoning it for over a year? Well, the answer is so that less people will see my blog. Coz honestly, how many people actually KNOW about my blogspot, much less check it?

Hahaha. Damn. I suck, don't I?

Mannn.. I always seem to say the wrong things at the wrong time. First I accidentally fuelled conflict between mum and dad and made dad furious for the first time in ages O.o I guess everyone reacts differently to different situations, and he's stressed out because the bushfires are getting closer. Mum doesn't understand that concept. Yet we all understand the concept that mum gets totally over-stressed over the largest assortment of things ever. She doesn't understand, at all.

Made a stupid joke about someone's blog about the bushfires. That didn't please Lo very much. Stupid, much?

Now, why is my blog named 'Savvy?' Because I don't savvy. I don't understand. Hahaha. Awkward laughter fills in gaps and makes me feel better. Mum gets pissed when I laugh about things that 'aren't funny at all', for example, the learners driving manual from like the 70s/80s. Lol. I thought it was awesome stuff =/

I don't savvy. I don't understand how someone can claim to feel so strongly for someone, enough for everyone to believe so. Yet turn their back so easily. I don't understand. Why do we like to respond to dilemmas with self-destruction? Why does it feel better to do something that is wrong when we feel that we have been wronged?

I don't savvy. Have I succombed to something in which I should not have? Why is it that I still see others through prejudiced eyes? Why do I still feel that subtle nudge to judge? Everyone does things in their own way. Why am I so scared? I don't understand..

I don't savvy. What is right and what is wrong? What is heaven and what is hell? What is god and what is jesus? Are we condemned to 'hell' for not believing in the 'lord'? Are we condemned for being born into a different culture and focusing our spirituality on other icons?

Don't I just accept things the way they are? I'm just a little lost right now.

Savvy?