The memories of our experiences and personal events are categorised as 'episodic memories'. But they're not just memories of events. These memories carry also with them all the feelings and emotions that we felt as they occurred.

Here is my question: Why is it that we remember the negative feelings so strongly that they overshadow all our happy feelings?

I really hate myself right now. And yet I still wallow in my own self pity. I'm a nutcase. And there's no one here to comfort me. Oh god there is no one ever to comfort me.

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
Why can't I fix things?
Why can't everything be good?

I hate myself.

And I never knew how much it would hurt to have you treat me as a stranger.

It is not strange that we are born the way that we are. Can we not learn to appreciate what we have been dealt instead of always restricting ourselves and blaming ourselves for being what we are?

Having just read someone's blog, I begin to speculate again about all the things that dictate our behaviour. There are so many things that are 'wrong', that are 'sins', that are frowned upon. Yet are these things not simply a part of human nature? Are we not the way that we have been made? Are we not, in actual fact, critisising His creation by acting out against our nature?

Excuse me, I simply felt like exploring that idea for a moment.

On a new strand of thought, this person expressed her admiration for several couples for having endured for such a long period of time. This blog wasn't written so long ago. Yet 2 out of the 4 couples first listed have already split up. And I know for a fact that the other two are not perfect either.

Why do we always strive for perfection? What is perfection? What is whole and immaculate? If it is how we are, how nature intended us to be, is that not perfect already?

It's funny how you have a big crowd of people, all smiling and chatting. But underneath the façade, everyone is just as sad and lonely and everyone has their own problems. Everyone. Funny.

Having just taken such a strike against all the things that try to aim for perfection.. I will hypocritically wish that things were 'perfect', and if not 'perfect', at least free from whatever it is that ails us.

And then an honest word:

I would sacrifice anything to continue being with you for always. As long as you continue to love me and want me. Nothing matters so much as being with you.

I'm sick of crying.
And I really am so lonely.
But who is here to comfort me?